Claritin, Benadryl, Boogies

Smug in the knowledge that I missed the coldest, nastiest winter in most of my friends' New York existence, allergy misery which spring brings is not really the jolly I was looking forward to. Finally going to bed v late last night, after an amusing evening at Janey's new loft in Tribeca, assembling Bang and Olson sound system, drinking yummy wine as we toiled over speaker wires and listening to Maccers complain about a) latest fuck-up in her life who she never sees due to his heavy work schedule and b) fleetingly short and short in statue (no surprise due to following bit of info) but Hollywood-connected actor, I couldn't decide whether her slightly peculiar manner was due to being charlied up to her eyeballs, tripping on diet pills, or as many of us are at the moment rediscovering the pharmaceutical mind-fuck benefits of antihistamines. Another slight possibility as cause of her personality freakshow may also have had something to do with Soy Boy. Post early shags I learnt that he and Maccers had once had some kind of longish-term sexual relationship.

However the ramifications of antihistamines are far more interesting than rogering in this instance (hmm maybe too close to home). Over the past week or so I have been experimenting with various allergy combatants and have discovered that Claritin (now freely available over the counter) is a superb party pill which gets double whammy points for sinus clearing also. Honestly it works just the same as Charles but I can get it at Food Emporium around the corner and I don't need to line it up in dimly lit bathrooms.

On a Claritin kick I have: vacuumed, moped, toilet scrubbed and generally kept an impeccable Soy Boy apartment; of course this makes him adore me even more - I'm sure I have him fooled into thinking it's just part of the natural female house-proudness coming out in me - just he wait till Fall; and partied late most nights - although a Claritin and Chardonnay bender was also my weekly undoing doozie.

Last Friday night at Gustavinos in clear view and hearing range of only about 100 people I was exuberantly and no doubt loudly rambling on inanely to Soy Boy and our now favourite (but admittedly captured) bar staff (Croatian dude and Texan who's trying to look like a Mexican with new huge fuck-off moustache). Lurching drunkenly against the non-existent stool back I toppled, not delicately, from a great height onto the tiled (yes obviously hard) floor onto my (now) v sorry tailbone. Am still in pain a week from the embarrassing event - not that I wanted to hide in the corner for long - stupid as well. Under the effects of C&C, giggling, Soy Boy dragged me to my feet. Great foolish and typically klutzy-me moment I clambered back up onto the stool, ordered another Chard and washed down another white bullet.

Lying in bed last night at about one in the morning, unable to sleep from the Claritin buzz and still sore bottom bone I was amused by thoughts of the Prat. The Prat suffers allergies more than most but from some fucked-up stoic British sensibility refuses to take anything for it. I wonder now if indulging me in a little bit of pill popping could have saved our marriage? On more than occasion, boogies glistened against his dark nasal hairs, as he sat across the dining table with friends or clients, on view for all who were not sharp enough to catch a glimpse and quickly look away before wanting to vomit. I stress this was not a rare offence and he was not oblivious either.

Admittedly The Prat suffers terribly from hayfever in the summer and a never-ending cold during the winter, and therefore can not be faulted for suffering social blights such as boogie issues. What can not be excused however, is his indignation at dealing with them. Many evenings I spent on snot patrol - desperately trying to alert him to offending foreign bodies, which the general public would not want to have cocktails with nor share a meal. His constant annoyance at my sentry duty really did get my goat - didn't he understand this was how I showed I cared.

Journeying home arguments over this particular issue would lead me to contemplate the very foundations of our union. How could I live with a man who was happy to allow a boogie to hang out in company as if it were the equivalent of the family dog and not some unsavoury, unsightly chunky reflective green thing.

Good thing that Soy Boy, also suffering from seasonal allergies is a big fan of the drug industry. His drug of choice is Benadryl which he claims not only stops him breaking out in hives but also combats stress during business hours - watching his hedge fund go down the toilet doesn't seem to be having quite the ill effect he would have imagined. Additionally his little pink and white capsules also mix well with alcohol and company. What a shame, tonight is most likely going to be another FDA approved drug-fuelled hoot.